I lost an entire day

After dropping the kids at school yesterday, I came home and went to sleep. I'd woken up with an incredible headache behind my eyes. The sinus meds did nothing, the Imitrex I took when my stomach started to churn did nothing, the Aleve did nothing. I woke up in time to pick Daniel up mid-day, came home, handed him off to Scott and went back to sleep. I woke at 3, had some toast, went back to sleep. Dropped Simon off at his dance at 6, stayed awake to pick him up at 8:30, and went back to sleep. And that was my day.

I guess had I posted a Friday Flashback it would have been about the first migraine I remember having. It was the summer I was 10, and it lasted 2 1/2 days. I agonized in front of a fan, whimpering at noise and light. At one point I went to the grocery store with my mom, and stayed in the car, lying on the back seat - it was only place we had air conditioning and mom left the car running while she shopped and I suffered. I can remember every detail - the cool vinyl seats, the line of sunlight and shadow on the back of the driver's seat, the rumble of traffic outside. And I can remember the pain. Every bit of it.

So I woke this morning feeling not quite 100%, maybe 80% or so. I had some breakfast (an improvement on yesterday already!) and after a couple of cups of coffee felt up to tackling Friday's 20 feet of kitchen. Mission accomplished. There's another pile of procrastination in the next hot spot. Monday. I hope. And after that comes my sewing cabinet. Eek.

Humbling, only more so

What's the superlative of humbled? Humiliated? Yeah, that's about right.

So after my cut and colour yesterday I decided I was fabulous and set off in search of a new swimsuit. Way to pop THAT feel good balloon. Zeppelin more like. I am not a 2 piece swimsuit kinda gal. No, haven't been since I was maybe 8. I'm chesty, and being able to buy separate tops and bottoms would make my life so much easier, but there's too much middle for me to consider doing that, so... no. Buying clothes, I'm down 2, maybe 3 sizes from what I was in a few years ago. BIG EGO boost. Swimsuits, though, are a whole 'nother story. Fit the top, the bottom will (hopefully) fit too.


Store #1
I picked a few of the less ugly things off the rack (I'm not into cute sizes yet, sigh) and headed to the dressing room. #1. Okay, the gathering, shirring they call it, up the front makes me look like a poorly resewn autopsy. Next? #2, well, the bottom looks good, keep going. Boobs, flattened, make it almost to my waist. Next? #3 Well, that's just not gonna happen. #4 What looks, on the hanger, like a tropical melange on me looks like like the compost pile behind the El Mocambo. Move on.

Store #2
There are no suits I'm even willing to take off the rack, let alone take off my skirt to try on. May I just add at this point, swimsuit manufacturers, there is really NO NEED (trust me) to offer string bikinis in sizes above 14. I know people will buy them, but they shouldn't. If they insist, let me offer you the option of online sales. Really, it's better for EVERYONE that way.


Store #3
I actually started here and decided everything was too old/frumpy/ugly to even consider. The one suit on a mannequin that I did like? There was one, size 8, and it was on the mannequin. Cute suit, though. I dug and came up with a few to try. #1 Not bad, top fits, bottom fits. It's brown, not black so that with my white skin I look less like Orca, more like Les Nessman but it's a definite maybe. #2 This *is* a 2 piece - tank top, shorts bottom. The top fits, the bottom will fill up with air in the pool and I'll look like a Jamaican paratrooper who missed the landing zone. Pass. #3 More flat boobs. What's the deal?! I went up a size! This one has a soft bra, not just elastic and spandex, and my boobs are still coming out under my arms and down around my ribcage. #4 Same as #3 in a different colour. I guess I thought this style held great promise. I guess I thought wrong.

So Store3Suit1 came home with me, but only because it was the least of the multitude of sins I tried to commit yesterday, and it was 60% off. Maybe Lands End has something.

Penny

30 blocks, sashed on two sides, waiting for the final stragglers to wander in. I'm cutting it off at 35 blocks - 5 x 7 layout will result in a top (sans borders) that's 58ish by 80ish. I can manage that. Henny will (hopefully) be the same size. I'll make sure it is if I have to do some blocks myself. The RWb sashing will be easier to piece, slower to cut, probably about the same speed as this one went. This week is jam packed, though, so I'll have to squeeze in my hour/day when I can. 5:30 am maybe?

After yesterday's Green day, I really wanted to share some photos of today's glorious yellow. The Trout Lilies are blooming, the daffs are going great guns. The dogwoods and viburnums are leafing out, and the sun was shining like nobody's business. I wanted to share, but I've put my camera down somewhere and can't find it. I was trying to take a picture of the middle of my back, that's the last time I had my camera. Funny Story: We were enjoying breakfast this morning (new-to-us diner, banana bread french toast - better in theory than practice IMO) when I felt a sharp pinch on my back. I reached around and felt a weird bump on my back. Thinking it was a bug bite or something, I pinched it back, to squeeze out the toxins before they got far. Bring my hand back and a tick(!) went sailing off my fingers onto the floor. Yuck! The picture taking was to determine a) the size and shape of any rash, and b) to make sure buggy's head wasn't still buried under the skin. Everyone here is too skeeved at the thought of a tick head buried in my skin to want to get close enough to make sure there isn't one. My luck I survive the breast cancer scare and develop a big fat case of Lyme Disease.

See ya tomorrow, if I survive the night. ;o)

My new favourite letter

My new favourite letter, well that would be as in B9. Benign. Not cancer. Yeah! The itchy, sloshy, sunset hued boob on the right side of my chest is healthy. And I couldn't be happier. Well, I probably could, but I'm about as happy as I can stand right now, and that's pretty darn happy, lemme tell ya.

Well, that was something

Yesterday I do believe I was hit by a truck. No new scratches, bruises, nothing that shows, but holy moley I was a wreck yesterday. The migraine started just after lunch, and while the Imitrex took the edge off for a while, it did nothing for the ache that was spreading through the rest of me. Vicodin for that, promptly every 3 hours. A hot shower, a quest (failed) for dark and quiet, cold cloth on my face, hot pack behind my neck, small movements and quiet sobbing.

I woke this morning good to go again, but I'm learning that lesson and I took it easy.

The Map is basted in prep for quilting, but that will wait until perhaps Thursday. I had to run out to Knits and Bolts for a new can of 505, and picked up a clearance ball of cotton yarn to try that washcloth pattern when I get a minute. IF I get a minute...

The week after next is Staff Appreciation at the school, and I'm chair of that committee. There's not that much to do, it just needs to be done. Meeting tomorrow night, we'll get it all in place and then sit back and watch everyone smile at all we'll do to thank them for all THEy do. ;o)

I'm home, I'm fine

Vicodin is my friend. So what size-wise is between a golf ball and a tennis ball? Squash ball? Yeah, that sounds about right - I'm deflated about a squash ball's worth on the right side. The borders are clear, the pathology results will be back in time for my follow-up on Wednesday. He's confident he got all the bits, five I believe. And if you think the hand bruises from the intravenous are spectacular and IF you haven't just eaten, check out the real scar (click here.) The blue dot at the top is where the dye went in, AFTER the big needle (dart), before the wire (fishhook) DURING the close to 45 minute series of boob smashes (8 films, I think) They better have got it all, I'm just saying.

Funny Story:
My nurse (Alyson) and I were waiting down in mammography when a radiologist (not mine) came in and said "Beautiful, just beautiful. Thank you so much" and then left. Then the department head (Joan) came in, hugged me, and said "No one's ever done anything like this for us before!" I'm confused, so's Alyson. Then the Xray tech (Jannie) came in, and she started gushing and (d'uh) I finally clued in that they like the quilt. Alyson, who works in the surgery department hadn't seen it, so she sent someone to her office to get it and show anyone who wanted to see it (and probably some who didn't.) The nurse loved it too. Before the radiologist (Dr. K) came in, Joan draped it over my shoulders, chattering the whole time. She'd taken it home to show her husband! And he loved it! (yeah, sure he did. Man probably thinks I'm psycho.) Dr. K told me all his grand plans for a proper hanging *thing,* all the while positioning and placing my boob just so. Alyson was the first one I let in on the lump in Ellie Mae's breast, she thought that was the best thing ever, and proceeded to have everyone who walked into the room palpate the poor thing. I fully expected someone to paste that poor girl up on the x-ray view to see if they could see it. I told them they were welcome to it, they could do what they wanted with it, and I don't want to see it more than once a year from now on, thankyouverymuch. Deal? Hope so.

So I baked scones today (2 kinds)

and a meatloaf, lasagna, chicken breasts. I've changed the sheets and am on laundry load thirty seven, I think. I packed Tori off for a four day trip to (woohoo!) Buffalo at 7 o'clock this morning. I paid everything that's due for the next week, got groceries and confirmed both mine and the kids' plans for tomorrow. I still want to vacuum and (if there's time) take the trash and recycling to the dump. I tell myself that I'm just making sure that I don't have to lift a finger for the next 3 or 4 days, but truth be told, I think I'm just trying to stay busy so I don't have time to dwell. Ya know?

Yesterday's Appointment

Yesterday's visit to the surgeon was just a consult. He looked at the films with us, agreed with the radiologist about the next step, and scheduled an excisional biopsy for next Thursday. I go to see the blood suckers on Friday for pre-op bloodwork, and will find out then what time Thursday.

The spots are really small - a cluster of 5 that look like they aren't bigger than grains of sand. The biopsy will (hopefully) take all of them in a blob of tissue about the size of a golf ball. They'll do pathology while I'm on the table to be sure I don't need to go back. I do NOT want to go back. So, what fun do YOU have planned for April vacation?

I *REALLY* need to get that quilt done

Waiting now to hear back from my doc who is scheduling a biopsy. Bah. I am not going to worry until I have something to worry about, and right now, this is still just investigative. Still, bah.

Monday, 3:45

What's that expression?

"No good deed goes unpunished?" No, that's not it. "All good things come to those who wait?" No, definitely not that one. How about "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Yeah, there we go.

That boob quilt? I get a second chance. Shit. Since my good intention was to have it with me for my mammogram last Monday, and I didn't, I got a call from my dear doctor saying that one of the films came back a bit cloudy in one spot, so, YEAH! I get to go back and do it again. Damn. Tuesday, 1pm (Eastern) Keep me and my right breast in your good thought? Thanks.