Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I didn't send her a gift, or even a card because I *thought* maybe it'd be nice to actually take her out for lunch. My mom lives about 9 hours away. This week I'm taking the couple of schedule-free days we have this summer and taking the kids to the Science Center and Zoo. It's a 5 hour haul, but that's okay. We'll drive one day, do the tourist thing a couple days then drive home. I called my sister last week and said "Hey, lets get the kids together, hang out, shoot the breeze and have some fun. Bring mom, we'll go out for her birthday!" It's a 4 hour trip for her, and though she is free next week (I did know that) it's really more effort than she wants to go to. Fine, she's got 2 pubescent kids and I understand.
So I called my brother and spoke to his wife. I've met her exactly twice and don't know her well. I *do* know, though, that she loves shopping in the States, she's not going back to work until the 15th of August. I offerd to meet her at a big outlet mall (the siren song, I thought) and well... "Gee, sounds great but you're going to have to talk to Rob." Wha..?! "Well, the kids have to go to daycare on Wednesday," (have to?) "and Barb's gotta be here for an Avon delivery on Thursday." Okay, you know, I'm not stupid. If you don't want to go, just say so. An AVON delivery?!
Last try. "Mom, we're going to be kinda/sorta in the neighbourhood next week, if you drive to Niagara Falls (90 minutes or so) I'll drive that much farther (add 2 1/2 hours) and we can go out for lunch. Bring your friend Martha - I'll treat you both." "Eh, it's an hour and a half, and it's going to be so busy there... it's tourist season, and it's supposed to be hot..."
WTF!?? My mom will drop everything if the church calls and needs an (unpaid) babysitter for the morning. She'll rearrange her week if either of my younger sibs needs her to watch the kids. Shoot, last week she drove an hour and a half (familiar?) to go see oldest brother's daughter in a play and then waited around for 3 hours to put her on the train home. So what's the problem with me? Do I stink so bad they can smell it from there? All three were more than happy to offer their homes and/or cottages. My kids want to go to the ZOO. They want to go to the Science Center. They can sit around and play on their DS and ignore me with their ipods on without my having to drive 9 or 10 hours. I cannot drive an entire day just to turn around a day or two later and drive home again.
So. I'm feeling a little hurt. Yesterday I was mad, today a little put out, but I'll get over it. Guess I better go get a card at least. Maybe give FTD a call, too. But I'm not happy about it.
5 comments:
Join the club. Sounds like my family.
Years ago my sister, who lived 2,000 miles away, drove down the coast (Calif) within two miles of my house and didn't stop to see me. She called me later that night, said she had a stomach ache. After I had waited for her all day. I was steamed. I'm still steamed.
Well, I hope you're having a good getaway nonetheless.
Hey that family sounds familiar! My Step MIL had her son visiting from Japan, so she had a family gathering. Everyone one was there but us, we are never invited anymore. {and for those who don't know, we live on the same property with them} I really don't care for me, but it bugs me the girls don't get included!!!
Family can hurt you the most, can't they? Especially your mother. But you've got a good attitude.
You made an effort that was refused. That is their lost opportunity. Send a card and the flowers and let it go.
But, I do know how you feel. When I show something to my dad, his answers is always something pretty deflating--like, "It doesn't go with anything" or when I was in school and got As, it was always, "Well that was expected of you anyway."
So, the other day my mom tells me that he is having hardwood floors laid and I am to act surprised when I see them. My first reaction is to give him some of his own medicine. But, the other side of me says, "Why stoop that low?"
Family dynamics can be a real PITA.
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