Me30Ugh

Have you seen the ads for P90X or is the internet really trying to tell me something. P90X stands for Power 90 Extreme, a 3 month diet and exercise regime that, according to the pictures I've seen, turn perfectly good bodies into chiseled marble. I don't want chiseled marble. Well, sure, I mean, I do, but I'd be happy with sculpted play-do at this point in my life.

So. 30 days from yesterday is March 1. For 30 days I will pay attention again, I will take my iron and calcium and eat my flax and oatmeal, and I'll bet in 30 days, I'll feel better. I'll go to the gym, I'll pass on Dunkin Donuts. 30 days. It's not too much to ask of myself, is it? Nah... and maybe when it's warm enough, I'll be able to comfortably do up the zipper on those cute skirts I bought on clearance last summer.

8 weeks

There are 8 weeks between today and Memorial Day, and I will be 14 lbs lighter. That's the plan? No, that's the deal. I've set up my gym membership for automatic withdrawal every month so I can't forget to pay it, and then oops! I've lapsed so I can't go anymore. Nope, not gonna do it. I've discovered that sugar plays some friendly havoc with my digestive system (nothing painful, just, um, gassy) and I've recognized that I feel much better without it, so...

Okay.

Yesterday's weather was soooooo gorgeous, and I think today will be the same. I got the front corner of the yard raked, and cleaned up the flower bed. Got out the loppers and cut back some brush, too. Diane gifted me with another pot of bloomed out hyacinths, and 2 more pots of mini daffodils. All the hyacinths are in, and I think I know where the daffs will go as well. I've scouted out a spot for the daylilies my friend Beth is giving me, and those can go in anytime. Yeah, I love spring!

Rain should be moving in tonight, and sticking around until the weekend - maybe I'll even get started on Danielle's quilt! Only if it's raining though - I can't bear to spend this glorious weather inside. Now, my coffee and I are going outside to watch the sun come up. Ahhhhh...

Lent

I've done this the past few years, this year is no different.

I am not a religious person. Although I grew up in a Christian home, I no longer identify with that (or any, actually) organized religion. My problem, as I've stated before is with the organized part of the expression, rather than the religion itself. But like I said, I grew up in a Christian environment, and so some of the practices linger.

Lent, derived from the Old English word (lencten) or the Teutonic word (lenzen) for springtime, might be considered a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking personal inventory and cleaning out those things that are holding us back from achieving whatever it is we seek, spritually. For believers, that might be a closer relationship with the God of their choosing. For me? a better relationship with myself. Ritual fasting, or denying of some form of pleasure is part, but not the entirity of the Christian Lent. Prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial are the four main tenets of Lent and I will follow those guidelines in my own way.

Prayer for me is meditation, the setting aside of time every day to be still and quiet within myself. I need that. Penitence and almsgiving - apologize when you mess up, and share. Really? How 'bout we make that an all-the-time kind of thing? I guess we all need to be reminded to play nice though, so let's take that lesson away from the process. And self-denial. Well there's the big one, huh?

I don't think I'll go the "giving up chocolate for Lent" route. I know plenty who do, and for some it really is a sacrifice. I want something that's a signal, though. Something that, when I *would* normally indulge, makes me stop and refocus on all the other parts of this trip. Because really, isn't that the point? Consumerism? Convenience just for the sake of convenience? Tiresome self-examination? hmmm...

Quilted, trimmed

Ready for binding. I can almost cross the string quilt off my list! I'll share a picture when it's done.

As I mentioned the other day, I joined the local (new) gym at a great deal. I finally made it over there on Thursday after lunch with Kathy. She's a member too, and probably without even realizing it, inspired me to go over and check it out. So I did. I made an appointment for Friday morning to go over the equipment and devise a workout plan. I used all the weight machines, we decided I'd need to sub in free wights for one of the shoulder machines because I just have some serious weakness in my left shoulder that I need to overcome. It's been a pain since we moved almost ten years ago and I've been babying it. No more. Then a 20 minute calorie burner on the treadmill and home for a shower.

I went back this morning - 40 minute cardio fat-burner on the bike and treadmill. They've got elliptical machines, but I'm just too uncoordinated to make them go properly. Must work on that too.

There are at least 30 more pounds of me than I'm happy to be hauling around. Let's see how many of them I can leave at the gym, hmmm?

Sewing? Not today

Unless Daniel is home sick again today (he spent yesterday moaning on the couch) I don't think I'll get a stitch sewn. No problem. Tuesdays are my volunteer morning in the school library, and after lunch I think I'm going to head over to the new gym that just opened last month. Because I *know* people, I was able to get in on the school employee deal, and have a great program available to me until the end of April. I'd intended to go over yesterday, but Mr. Fever-head had other plans. No biggie.

I belonged to a Ladies Only gym when Tori was a toddler, and I loved working out on the weight machines. Even if I only do that, it'll be worth the little bit I'm paying. I can take classes as well, if I want, but I'm not sure about what's offered and at what times. Hence the visit today. Reconnaissance.

Then home, get a few chores done, make dinner, gather my things together and head out to a PTO meeting at 6:15. I need to put together some sign-up sheets (food, help, equipment) for the concession at the Talent Show next month. Last year went well enough for a first year, but we ran out of water, and could have used a little more help cleaning up. So there's that to be done as well. But first, I think I ought to get dressed...

Edit - well, I went upstairs to get clothes and make sure everyone was awake, and red-cheeked thick-voiced Daniel met me at the top of the stairs. Another day home. sigh. So no gym, but I can sew.

Ahhhh, that's better

I woke up late this morning (almost 7:30!) and it was still only 63º) outside. I can breathe again! Heat and high humidity just do me in, but this cooler, clearer weather is energizing. I'm still in my nightgown, but I've already got a load of laundry on the line, sucked back my second cup of coffee, and there are chocolate chip scones and low-fat bran muffins cooling on the counter.

I've had several days of poor eating habits, and that, like the weather, ends today too. The scale is being kind, but there's no point in losing the momentum I'd built up. I'm down (as of this morning) 20 1/2 lbs from the beginning of the summer. I'm pushing for another 4 1/2 before Labour Day, and the bad choices of the past few days aren't going to make that happen. On the docket for today - a salad and a walk, at minimum.

There are chores to be done, and it's time to get this show on the road, before I lose THAT momentum too.

It's tomorrow

The stitch tension in the border looks fine, so I don't know what my deal was yesterday. In any case, I'm about to sit down and attach that binding. Gee if I was brave I'd do the blanket stitch machine finishing I linked to a while back, but I think I'll save that for the string quilt, too. It'll be a real learning piece.

Wii Man and I spent a quality hour together this morning, most of it aerobic. I'm a wee bit shaky, but I'll get over it. In answer to Fitzy's question, no, I don't actually love to Hula Hoop, but I do it anyway. My absolute favourite is the ski jump. Aerobically, I'm partial to the boxing, though I tend to do the step aerobics longer - today I did 20 minutes of free step while I watched Rachael Ray make chicken stir fry. :o) I'm going out for lunch today with my friend Kathy, and I'll walk up if the rain (yeah, rain!) stops. Maybe I'll have the chicken stir fry. Before that, though, I have to get that binding on.

tomorrow, binding

I hope so anyway. I got the center of the pinwheels quilt quilted yesterday, and the border done today. I trimmed the top. I've chosen and pressed the fab for the binding. Something's telling me that I need to check the tension on the border quilting though, It didn't feel *right* while I was sewing, but I carried on. The front looks good, and the few spots on the back that I did check look okay too, so maybe it's in my head. Dunno. I'll look tomorrow, there's no point in going any further if I have to rip the stitching out.

I've added a ticker to the sidebar. 18 lbs. That's what I need to drop to lose the baby weight. 14 years is long enough, ya know? I'm back on FitDay, I've checked in with the WiiFit every morning. Am I committed? So far. I'll update as it comes off, I guess. And when I get there, I guess I can start on the weight I gained with my first baby. Before she leaves for college...?

Labour Day

Labour Day is over, really, summer is about over too. It's still hot, and still sunny. The garden is still going. I froze zucchini and canned tomatoes this morning, did laundry, and will vacuum after lunch. I did all these things over the summer, but not all in one day, not with the kids hanging out allover the place. ;o) Yeah, summer's over.

My ticker above remains stuck at 10 pounds. I'm not too wrung out about that, 10 lbs is 10 lbs after all, and I denied myself very little over the past few weeks, so I shouldn't be surprised that I stalled. With September comes new resolve, new determination. By the time it gets to be jeans and sweater weather, I'd love to be comfortable in jeans and sweaters, rather than feeling crammed in like a sausage. But that last stubborn six still must go, so the ticker's staying. In fact, maybe I'll be ambitious and make it eleven pounds, at which point I'll weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Simon, 14 years ago. That'd be good. Not great, but good. And after that? We'll see.

It's cooler in the evenings now. Even as it gets up to 80º or more in the day, it drops below 50º most nights. I've picked up my knitting again, and have started the little ALQS quilt. Well, I've strated actively thinking about it, anyway.

Even though it's still hot in the daytime, the humidity is far less than the sweltering hell that is July in New England. There is quite often a breeze to temper the sunshine and make those voraciously determined mosquitoes work a little harder for their dinner. They manage. I've gotten back into the habit of spending an hour or two most days on the brush clearing. It was so wet for so many weeks in August that it got shelved, and I lost momentum. Yesterday, though, I stood back to admire just how far I've come. This has been a mostly solo project, and that's okay with me. I enjoy doing it, and I enjoy seeing the progress knowing that it's my work. Of course, I'd probably enjoy the view just as much had there been a gang of ten doing it, or had we rented a bobcat and just pushed it all over the edge of the ravine, but so far anyway, that hasn't been the way this clearing has gone. Whatever. Here's a pic of the view now. I wish I had a real before picture, I probably do somewhere. If you go back to the Weekend posts when I was just starting - here and here - the difference is pretty dramatic. There's a big pine tree in the top right corner of the picture below. It's maybe 20 feet beyond where I've cleared. That's how far I'd like to get before snow, but we'll see. Once we've had a freeze or two the mosquitoes will be gone, and also the yellow jackets that have mostly replaced the deer flies. That'll be nice...

huh.

A couple of weeks ago, when $50 didn't even fill the gas tank, I decided that walking more was good for a lot of reasons. And it is. So I put on my sneakers and have been walking instead of driving to the grocery store. I've walked to the post office, walked to the market, walked just to get out and enjoy the nicer weather. I've enjoyed it. Last Thursday I hauled ass wagon the 8/10 mile to preschool and walked home with Cute Boyfriend. Well, he rode, I walked. Dragging 50 pounds up and down the hills of our tiny town was a workout, but not a bad one.

Yesterday we walked both ways. Well, I walked, his hineyness pulled the wagon as far as the mailbox, then climbed in. Okay, fine. Left the wagon at school, walked over to have breakfast with Kathy, did some errands, and walked home. At 2:20 I left to go pick him up. My shoulders (mostly right, my main pulling arm) were a bit sore, but I'm out of shape, what could I expect? After hauling lardass home both shoulders ached, and the pain was spreading around to my pectoralis muscles. Yep, I pulled my boob muscles. Last night after the ibuprofen wore off, even deep breaths hurt.

I know what this pain is, it has happened before - after we moved, when Daniel was a baby, when Tori and Simon spent much time in a double stroller. I know it's just new exertion, and I know it will pass, but it hurts. As I lay there last night, trying to find a comfortable position I surveyed my situation. I'm too fat. I know that. Right now, being fat is making it hard to act/look/feel the way I want to. If I stay fat, maybe next time the pain in my chest won't be a pulled boob muscle.

So what to do? I'll keep walking, sure, that's a given, especially with the price of gas as high as it is. But I'll make Daniel walk too. I have to start eating better, because the disregard for nutrition, the crap I'm eating now, will kill me. It surely will. And after lying there last night pondering that thought, I think I might have actually got through this time. I was reaching for a croissant for breakfast and stopped. "This will kill me." Daniel wanted an apple for a snack, but I was after a peanut butter cookie. "This will kill me." I contemplated putting together a Tax Day cake, for Tanya, and it would have been a spectacle beyond comparison - baked in a bundt pan, with Swiss Roll logs and a meringue fire. But I just couldn't do it. "This will kill me." I didn't even finish the pot of coffee I made this morning. "This too will kill me." Perhaps I've scared myself straight? Maybe this time it will last.

Okay, thus ends the confessional portion of today's lesson. Now time for Show and Tell.

Warning: The following pictures are offensive and insensitive and awful for a hundred different reasons. (No, not the new Marilyn Monroe video. If I had a mill and a half it wouldn't have gone there.) I just found the irony of coming across these today a little too hard to resist sharing.

The ironic part of this post

Tiny targets

I can't (won't) (know better than to) plan year long, life long resolutions. I know I don't have the follow-through. I was reading something yesterday on the BlogHer RSS feed about a movement to set shorter goals. I should have saved it, but didn't. The gist of the thing was that while you (I) might not be able (willing) to commit to long term goals, we can achieve the same results with a series of very short term goals that, with repetition, can (maybe) become habits (yeah!!)

In that spirit I've added more crap to the sidebar, right up there under my smiling mug. Today's Tiny Target. Maybe as I gain a little confidence in my ability to meet them, I'll make them a little harder (spend an hour on the treadmill) with the option of sometimes making them WAY easier (don't drive out to the desert and pick up scruffy hitch hikers.) You see, I'm all about positive reinforcement - saying a goal I just *know* I can reach will inspire me to strive for those ones I'm not sure I can.

Sharing further

Remember a few weeks ago, my post about Christine Kane and the 35 Days Challenge? I'm still (daily) on Day one, but I'm still trying, too.

Yesterday, this appeared on my Bloglines feed. She's a pretty wise woman, that Christine Kane. She suggests that the reason so many of us fail in our resolutions is that we go at them from the wrong perspective. "The reason most resolutions don’t work is that they address only one level of your life. The DO level. It’s the DO-HAVE-BE model. “I will DO this thing.” (i.e., Lose weight) “So I can HAVE this other thing” (Self-Esteem) and I can BE this thing. (Confident.)" What we need to do is work at the "BE" part - what is it we really want. The rest should either fall into place as a part of that goal, or drop off as not-so important.

She also provides a list of suggested touchstone words - a word that speaks to you and the goal you are after. Carry that word with you and use its strength when you lose sight of your goal. It works! A couple of years ago I was in a less than sunshiney place emotionally, feeling sorry for myself about a whole lot of crap ('scuse my french) that had been dumped on me over the previous few years. Sure there were bright spots, but they were dimmed by all the clouds I insisted on carrying with me. I realized one day the "I am important." To someone, somewhere, I was important. When I found myself doing stupid self-destructive things, I just reminded myself that "I am important." I slowed down, I wore my seatbelt, I got more sleep and made better choices.

Of course I want to lose weight, but it's the DO part of the model. What I'm after is to be comfortable, again, with myself in this body, in this life, doing the things I do. Losing weight is just part of it. That 35 Days thing is part of it too, truth be told. Sometimes it feels easier to just throw up my hands and give in - to eat that doughnut I picked up for Daniel before he even knows about it. To pass on some juicy gossip just because it's just too hard to keep it to myself. To just keep doing what I'm doing because it's easier on autopilot.

My word for 2008 is AWARENESS. eep.

Sharing

I've kept this post Marked as New in my Bloglines for quite a few weeks now, and I've read and re-read it. I'm having trouble getting my head around the fact that something that makes so much sense is just so darn hard to actually do.

I've slid, hard. The scale is NOT my friend right now. Sadly flannel Joe Boxer pajama pants are. But with friends like these... well, you know.

I'd like to say I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions, but whoo boy that'd be one doozy of a lie. Lists and lists of resolutions would be more accurate. This year, though, what I'd really like to be is comfortable. Comfortable with who I am in whatever size that might be. I know I'm not comfortable in this size. So we'll see.

Weekend Update

Well, would you look at that? It's Sunday again. Have I done anything this week? Good question. It's been another flat out week, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is that's keeping me so busy. So I can, you know, get rid of it. ;o)

Let's see... Here's one. Joy. Needs berries. Next comes some satin stitching and hardanger, then more cross stitching, more satin stitching, more hardanger... then blocking, matting, framing, sending.

I have also worked on the mystery knitting project, it's maybe half done. Mindless, fast, and it looks exactly like I hoped. I came across a few very fun knitting sites this weekend here and here. The Knitty hat would make a GREAT Halloween mask - perfect here in Vermont where we could (and have) had snow well before the end of October. Is there time?

I did get Falling Down Drunk layered. I did start quilting it, and I did hate it so much I set it aside to rip out . Haven't done that yet, though.

I have made myself find the time to keep pushing myself onto the treadmill. The Couch to 5k is not easy, but it's do-able. So far, anyway. I did workouts 6, 7, and 8 this week. Geeze I'm outta shape.

Happy Thanksgiving, Christopher Columbus

Today, here in the US, it is Columbus day, but here, in my house, it is Thanksgiving. Canadians celebrate Turkey Day on the 2nd Monday in October. I'm Canadian, I love turkey, so guess what we had for dinner? Yup, soup! ::chuckle:: It's one of those weeks again, so we did the turkey dinner yesterday and had leftovers tonight. 'sokay, I like turkey leftovers just about as much as I like the first run. I believe this image at left depicts Señor Colon asking Queen Isabella if she prefers white meat or dark. "More cranberries, your highness?"

One of my "things" today was a trip to the optometrist. My prescription, strong, has remained fairly constant for the past 6 years, though my up close vision is getting worse. Doc offered to write me a prescription for bifocals and I replied, as I do every year, that I will NOT wear bifocals until my arms get to be too short. So reading glasses and contacts it is. I inquired about LASIK and he offered to get in touch with the local laser place on my behalf. When I got home there was a message on the machine and I am very close to their upper limit. I'm not a candidate for the lift-the-flap then laser technique, and I might miss the boat on the straight on laser too, depending on the thickness of my lens. They do have a stick-a-thing-inside your eye technique too, and that's likely where I fall. Only twice the price! Bargain! I'll make an appointment at the LASIK place and find out what they think. Then I'll find out what the insurance thinks. And then, I'll decide what I think.

Humbling, only more so

What's the superlative of humbled? Humiliated? Yeah, that's about right.

So after my cut and colour yesterday I decided I was fabulous and set off in search of a new swimsuit. Way to pop THAT feel good balloon. Zeppelin more like. I am not a 2 piece swimsuit kinda gal. No, haven't been since I was maybe 8. I'm chesty, and being able to buy separate tops and bottoms would make my life so much easier, but there's too much middle for me to consider doing that, so... no. Buying clothes, I'm down 2, maybe 3 sizes from what I was in a few years ago. BIG EGO boost. Swimsuits, though, are a whole 'nother story. Fit the top, the bottom will (hopefully) fit too.


Store #1
I picked a few of the less ugly things off the rack (I'm not into cute sizes yet, sigh) and headed to the dressing room. #1. Okay, the gathering, shirring they call it, up the front makes me look like a poorly resewn autopsy. Next? #2, well, the bottom looks good, keep going. Boobs, flattened, make it almost to my waist. Next? #3 Well, that's just not gonna happen. #4 What looks, on the hanger, like a tropical melange on me looks like like the compost pile behind the El Mocambo. Move on.

Store #2
There are no suits I'm even willing to take off the rack, let alone take off my skirt to try on. May I just add at this point, swimsuit manufacturers, there is really NO NEED (trust me) to offer string bikinis in sizes above 14. I know people will buy them, but they shouldn't. If they insist, let me offer you the option of online sales. Really, it's better for EVERYONE that way.


Store #3
I actually started here and decided everything was too old/frumpy/ugly to even consider. The one suit on a mannequin that I did like? There was one, size 8, and it was on the mannequin. Cute suit, though. I dug and came up with a few to try. #1 Not bad, top fits, bottom fits. It's brown, not black so that with my white skin I look less like Orca, more like Les Nessman but it's a definite maybe. #2 This *is* a 2 piece - tank top, shorts bottom. The top fits, the bottom will fill up with air in the pool and I'll look like a Jamaican paratrooper who missed the landing zone. Pass. #3 More flat boobs. What's the deal?! I went up a size! This one has a soft bra, not just elastic and spandex, and my boobs are still coming out under my arms and down around my ribcage. #4 Same as #3 in a different colour. I guess I thought this style held great promise. I guess I thought wrong.

So Store3Suit1 came home with me, but only because it was the least of the multitude of sins I tried to commit yesterday, and it was 60% off. Maybe Lands End has something.

Yard work

Ah, glorious Sunday, lazing around, watching the grass grow. Uh, wrong. The grass has been BUSY growing, so today's job was cutting it. Looks great, and I'm that exhausted kind of tired that only yard work manages. We got the hammock out, dumb, and the kids were immediately disinterested in yard work. Imagine. Me too, but I persevered.

My weight loss has reached a plateau, and I've had no interest in base jumping. This week, I tried a dangerous experiment, just to see. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I kept track of my steps for the WOMAN challenge, but did nothing spectacularly high energy. I had ice cream, I walked if I felt like it, and I sat on my butt and made time to read (a time waster, BTW.) Tonight I'm doing the LOCALVORE thing for dinner. ;o) My weight has not gone down (duh) but neither has it gone up. I think with a little effort now, I could start to lose again. But first I have to finish the ice cream. ;o)

In needlework news, Crazy For Spring remains unbound (don't care) and I'm working on facecloth #6. I think I'll need 8. Maybe 9. But if I finish them , yahoo, if I don't, I can pull a few others onto the localvore wagon. Keep my neighbours employed? Happy to help. Seriously. And if I can't be skinny, I'll make everyone else fat. Ha!

Figures

Monday morning I dragged my sorry self back on the wagon, and began again, to conscientiously pay attention to what I eat, how I move, who I am. So far so good. It's not been easy, especially, but not too hard either. I'm participating in the women'sHealth.gov WOMAN Challenge, counting steps heading for a weekly goal I set myself. Again, so far so good - I hit close to 8000 steps most days, and a little effort pops that over 10000. This morning I dutifully strapped on my pedometer and got busy. When I paused at lunch to see just what 5 loads of laundry (including the hunting and gathering thereof) got me? 138 steps. Bah. So tonight when I enter my tally I'll guess, I guess.

I've also spent some time with Henny - all the sashing is cut, much of it is pieced, and I'm going to start putting some blocks together after lunch. I'm most definitely NOT one of those "all the cutting, all the HSTs, all the subunits" type quilters. I do a few of this, throw in a little of that, and surprise myself when I'm almost done because I truly have no idea. The only reason I cut all the sashing is so I don't get carried away and make more than I need. Been there.

Pictures, as promised. There's a reason they call this the Green Mountain State. I mean, a reason beyond the fact that our mountains are called the Green Mountains. The pink flowers are on my Flowering Almond (Prunus glandulosa). Dee commented the other day on the shade of green that screams spring. It's everywhere right now, but don't blink.


And this is my viburnum, aka tick haven, taken out the back door yesterday. ...do-do-do lookin' out my back door... I was clearing out the brush around that tree when Tickety nabbed me. Look beyond the clearing to see what I was cutting through, I'm surprised there was only ONE tick on me!

It's been raining and cold the past few days (poor Simon!) Yard work will definitely be on the menu this weekend. Maybe we'll hit "Survivor Greenhouse" too, for some vegetable starts.

Watch out, you Kenyan marathoners!

Look, up at my walk-ticker. I've completed my first marathon! In under 2 weeks. ;o) Tomorrow a new fat ticker goes up. I think I'll almost (but not quite) make this quarter's challenge, new one starts tomorrow and any hangers on pounds will get added to that goal. Swimsuit season's coming, and boy, we don't want to be scaring the babies at the pool, right? I mean the whiteness of the flesh will be scary enough, we don't need for the acreage to be frightening either!

Today's the rock-a-thon and I had to come home to a) get away from endless cheerleader movies (who knew!?), b) ward off the motion sickness from watching all those chairs go back and forth, and 3) cook 15 lbs(!) of chicken for the potluck dinner. Yum! There's something not quite right about grilling while the boys are moving snow around the lawn to get better jumps with the sled, but, what the heck.

So I bought a treadmill yesterday...

Yesterday's workout was getting the behemoth downstairs, and assembled. This morning Dave Grohl and I did 2 miles. I've decided to add a new ticker, 50 miles by Easter. That's ambitious, but we'll see. 50 miles/21 days. eep! This beast has some features my former (many moons ago) walker did not. It's super basic but has (I LOVE it!) a calorie counter. I assume the thing's configured to some 125 pound wisp, but still. I can see just how long it takes my lumbering hulk to trot off the girl scout cookies that I found in my mouth yesterday.

I'm quilting the bra quilt today. I am, I am, I am. I think.