So after my cut and colour yesterday I decided I was fabulous and set off in search of a new swimsuit. Way to pop THAT feel good balloon. Zeppelin more like. I am not a 2 piece swimsuit kinda gal. No, haven't been since I was maybe 8. I'm chesty, and being able to buy separate tops and bottoms would make my life so much easier, but there's too much middle for me to consider doing that, so... no. Buying clothes, I'm down 2, maybe 3 sizes from what I was in a few years ago. BIG EGO boost. Swimsuits, though, are a whole 'nother story. Fit the top, the bottom will (hopefully) fit too.Store #1
I picked a few of the less ugly things off the rack (I'm not into cute sizes yet, sigh) and headed to the dressing room. #1. Okay, the gathering, shirring they call it, up the front makes me look like a poorly resewn autopsy. Next? #2, well, the bottom looks good, keep going. Boobs, flattened, make it almost to my waist. Next? #3 Well, that's just not gonna happen. #4 What looks, on the hanger, like a tropical melange on me looks like like the compost pile behind the El Mocambo. Move on.
Store #2
There are no suits I'm even willing to take off the rack, let alone take off my skirt to try on. May I just add at this point, swimsuit manufacturers, there is really NO NEED (trust me) to offer string bikinis in sizes above 14. I know people will buy them, but they shouldn't. If they insist, let me offer you the option of online sales. Really, it's better for EVERYONE that way.
Store #3
I actually started here and decided everything was too old/frumpy/ugly to even consider. The one suit on a mannequin that I did like? There was one, size 8, and it was on the mannequin. Cute suit, though. I dug and came up with a few to try. #1 Not bad, top fits, bottom fits. It's brown, not black so that with my white skin I
look less like Orca, more like Les Nessman but it's a definite maybe. #2 This *is* a 2 piece - tank top, shorts bottom. The top fits, the bottom will fill up with air in the pool and I'll look like a Jamaican paratrooper who missed the landing zone. Pass. #3 More flat boobs. What's the deal?! I went up a size! This one has a soft bra, not just elastic and spandex, and my boobs are still coming out under my arms and down around my ribcage. #4 Same as #3 in a different colour. I guess I thought this style held great promise. I guess I thought wrong.So Store3Suit1 came home with me, but only because it was the least of the multitude of sins I tried to commit yesterday, and it was 60% off. Maybe Lands End has something.
9 comments:
Ok, so now we need a pic of you in that suit you did bring home. : )
Cute post!
Annie
OH,Dorothy, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. You should write for a newspaper or woman's magazine. This is so hilarious. I wish everyone could read this--it so fits me even in general shopping. Ever notice how everything is made for really TALL people--even if you do find it in your size, you'd have to be 7 ft tall to wear the pants. I'm on the short side--5'3" to be exact. Most capris look almost like long pants on me. Then there is the fact that who wants to see a 50 yr. old's belly creeping out of tops that are too short. Or worse yet, you have to worry about them creeping up behind--not a pretty site.
Definitely try Land's End before you commit. I nailed the first one I tried last year.
I made the unfortunate choice of a black & white number a few years ago. I told Baby Sister I felt like Orca when I went to the beach. She asked if anyone came along and tried to roll me back into the water. Funny. I think.
That was so true and hilarious too!OK that beats my American flag bathing suit which was the only thing I could get into....at least I can say I lived where Uncle Sam did....Troy NY.
This note is for Rose: Please, please tell me where you shop. I am only 5' 10", but have not been able to buy pants off the rack in a store EVER. I don't consider myself "really TALL", but I am ready to buy a plane ticket to shop in the store where these tall pants exist. Please keep in mind, short people can have long pants altered, tall people are just screwed!
Swimsuits put us all on an even playing field, we ALL look bad in those.
Boy, you've won everyone's sympathy today!
I second, third and fourth Land's End. I have an underwire halter one-piece that I love. Yeah, it was $80 but I've had it 3 years now! I also have a tankini that I love from them that I bought so many years ago I can't remember. I use the tankini as my everyday suit, but I DO have to tuck it in after I get in the water, lol.
Dorothy, I wear tankinis from Lands End. I, too, am chesty, so the separate top and bottom is nice. And, these are suits that stay closed in the middle. I got the first one because I thought it would be easier for nursing at the pool. And I have been hooked ever since. Oh, and since I most of the time am dragging an infant through the pool, I need one that can be tugged on and not reveal anything. Lands End fits the bill.
If Land's End doesn't do it, try Swimsuitsforall.com. They have every imaginable size and a good variety too.
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