Thursday, July 05, 2007

Judgmental much?


6 entries found for judgment.
To select an entry, click on it.Main Entry: judg·ment
Variant(s): or judge·ment /'j&j-m&nt/
Function: noun

1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so pronounced

Since my mother visited last month, I've become aware of a pervasive judgmental attitude that has become a part of my life. I don't want to judge, I try hard not to voice (often) those judgments I do find myself making, and I'm trying, really, really hard to not buy into those judgments that I hear around me. It's tough!

I love my mother, I truly do. Having her here, however, reminded me of how belittled I often felt as a child because I was "the fat one" and "the one with her nose in a book" and not "the one with more boyfriends than she can count" or "the top 5% in the country." When mom talks about someone, it always begins with a criticism of her weight, her drinking, her drive to work too hard, her laziness, her out-of-control children, always delivered with an exasperated "ugh." I try, I do, to get beyond that and usually manage. It's her way, and at 74, I suspect she's both unwilling and unlikely to change.

I see it more, though. "This "back to basics" lifestyle is just perfect, how can you possibly be at peace with so many extravagances?" "I've always thought women looked better in skirts than shorts." "I would never allow my children to go there, it's just so... " "I can't even begin to imagine how she thought that looked good."

As I'm thinking about this, much (most?) of this is women derived, women directed. And yes, I'm guilty. Can we not build ourselves up without tearing others down? I *like* buying milk at the store, turning on the A/C, and parking my kid in front of the tv for a half hour of personal time. I wear shorts because I *like* shorts, and I think my legs are pretty decent thank you very much. I trust my kids to make smart decisions - where they go, as long as it's safe and legal (and isn't going to cost me a mortgage payment) is their choice, and I think they are more responsible, more interesting, more rounded people because of it. And the last one? Who cares?!

I've faced the truth that my head isn't in a good place to try and lose any weight right now. Maybe it'll happen on it's own (ha!) or maybe it won't. But a little internal workout couldn't hurt, right? And if you think I need maybe more than a *little* workout, keep it to yourself. 'kay?


Pigley said...

I hear stuff like that all the time, but I usually let it go in one ear and out the other.
I don't give comments like that even enough worth to ponder.

And hey, I have been a big fan of yours for a long time because you are AWESOME!

Jane Ann said...

Sweetie, I've ALWAYS known the interior is a lot more important than the exterior. When your head is right, the body seems to follow--it glows through the wrinkles and pounds.

It's easy to accuse us older chicks (not you yet!) of having "let ourselves go." But I happen to think the flip side is acceptance and more focus on what really matters in life. Health is important, but self-criticism can be deadly too.

Jane Ann said...

PS I also can't stand women criticizing women. We need to support each other, not view other women as competition we have to defeat.

Sorry ... off the soapbox now.

dee said...

Jane Ann pretty much said it all. We women, who nourish other throughout our lifetime, deserve better from each other. I think you're a hell of a woman and mother- I'm proud to know you.

Dorothy said...

Well, you're all very sweet, thank you. So why do women do it, tear other women down? Men don't, as far as I can see. We've gotta stop it, we really do.

katelnorth said...

Dorothy me duck (as they say where my MIL is from) - i've got no idea what you look like other than your blog photo (which looks friendly, which is what matters to me) but as one who's done that whole weight thing at least once (yeah, i'm a woman & I've struggled with my weight - go figure!) lemme just say, if you want to lose weight, go for it. If you don't, well, unless it's seriously affecting your health, don't stress yourself.

I like myself on the lighter side rather than the heavier side because I have more energy and it's a heckuva lot easier to buy clothes that fit, but otherwise, i'm still the same sick twisted individual i always was...